trapped

Don’t know what really happened to me.

Have I really changed my point of view?

To view life as if anything is possible

Up to the expense of love itself?

Do we really know what’s wrong and right?

Or just for the sake of what we know is best?

Best for us?

We already know what will happen in the end…

So why do we still pursue it?

Even from the start, it should have not begun.

But we still choose what we feel is right.

Refusing to look on the other reflection in the mirror.

Because we know, somewhere, somehow, the truth might hurt.

The truth reveals the things that can set us free.

But we willingly chose to be trapped

In a prison we ourselves have built in our own hands,

With our own freedom to trade for

Until we only find ourselves with no escape on a path with a dead end.

There would be no turning back.

There’s only one way ahead that leads us deep into the mistake we made.

The detour can only be another mile ahead.

Is it really worth it to take the risk and get hurt rather than not to be hurt at all?

Or maybe be content and be safe because you did what you know is right?

Where’s the boundary put in love?

Loving a person as much as you can,

Accepting everything although in the end, you might break apart and lose him?

Where does the road in love begin and end?

“If you know it’s been wrong from the start, yet it’s already there, how can you be sure that time can still permit you to go on?”

Maybe someday…. Will that day ever come?

here comes a new one

This is something I wrote on November 11, 2004. My God, I can't believe it's been a very long time ago. Being a woman searching for somebody then is a bit tricky... Afraid of giving your heart to the wrong person...

Ever since the day that I saw you, I just can't get you off my mind. I don't know why but it's just that you've left a string tied to my fingers that goes around my heart and mind... And now, I'm hoping again. It's obvious that the feeling's mutual but I'm still afraid because I still don't know you that much. Right now, I know that we're both trying to get to know more about each other, trying to see it through. In our friendship, we're making love grow.

Will you take care of me? Will you pursue me? Will you know how much frail I am? If I allow you to take care of me, will it last forever? Will you be the one that I am waiting for?

I guess it could be too soon for now but it's better to be clear right from the start to know which path we're going to take...

I feel something for you. Will you make it grow?

ANOTHER LESSON OF LETTING GO

I'm sitting here with no more feelings at all but still thinking of you. Wondering where it all started and what makes me hold on although it didn't start as what it should be. Feelings have been broken and have been revealed. Secrets held in between.

You've been what I always wanted. At least that's what I've set my mind to. Yet you never come to overtake me. You just stayed right where you are. Pretended to bourish my feelings but stayed hidden under your own shadows with walls not even I could break. You never hid anything yet you never said much. You just stayed as close as the moment came for us.

I thought I was too strong to come to my senses, to finally discover the truth under your mask. I never expected what will happen next as the truth unveils itself before me. You tried to open up a part of who you really are and the things you haven't told me before. It left me numb as I struggle not to reveal how I feel as I try to sympathize with you telling me what's been seperating us all this time or just what's keeping you away from me.

I was never in your mind. Now what's been said had all been broken. Being the best of friends was only with words alone because it never rooted in our hearts. I'm trying not to come to you. Trying not to tell you that you never gave me any worth. You only wanted me as long as you can see me. The moment I was gone, your thoughts of me diminishes too.

You've been an arrow that struck me. Left me clueless about the final blow that will break my heart. I still think you were the last thing I ever wanted that I will never let go. But then, reality comes in putting a spotlight in front of me, yelling for me to wake up. I guess you're never really worth it at all. You're just another lesson of letting go.

---this is something I created back in year 2005. Went through some heartaches before that caused me to write something like this... kind of like a hate letter but well, I've moved on already and thanked God for a wonderful relationship he's given me with my mahal. He's certainly the greatest reward and blessing I have in my life right now, someone that makes my life worth living. =D

Crossroad

We are all waiting...
Waiting for the moment to pass us by.
Sometimes, finding a way to let go,
Then waiting for time again to see us through.
Hoping for somebody,
Then leaving everyone else behind.
We all have our choices, our chances
Then there is hope that keeps us holding on
Leaning on to faith that gives us a reason to live.
Learning how to walk blindly to a future left untold.
Meeting on a crossroad with someone
Destined to go with you and stay,
Or someone who's only meant to break you
Giving you a chance to learn
And mend your pieces back together.
This story we're creating for ourselves,
We laugh, cry, and struggle
We grow...
Just let go because there's always a reason to move on
Then maybe, a day will come
This road will take us somewhere we really want to be
We can't lose it anymore.
It's our destiny...

January 8, 2005